Ep 79: The Fraud Feeling and Why Building a New Self-Image Can Feel Like Lying
Have you ever set a big goal for yourself and almost immediately a voice in your head said: "Who do you think you are?"
Or maybe you’ve gotten a promotion, raised your prices, started a business, or stepped into something totally new and thought, “What if everybody figures out I have no idea what I’m doing?”
That feeling is usually called imposter syndrome.
And on this week’s episode of The 30-Day Year Podcast, Dave and Jacq talk about why so many of us experience it and, more importantly, what we can actually do about it. Dave believes imposter syndrome has a lot to do with the way we see ourselves.
When you start going after something bigger, there can be a huge gap between the person you’ve always believed yourself to be and the person you now need to become.
And that can feel really uncomfortable.
Jacq admits that she knows that feeling all too well. She talks about spending years sitting at her desk, worried that somebody was eventually going to figure out she didn’t know what she was doing.
So she asks Dave some really interesting questions:
How do you know when that voice in your head is just fear... and when you should actually listen to it?
What happens when you start seeing yourself differently, but the people around you still see the old version of you?
And how long does it take before the new way you see yourself actually starts to feel natural?
Dave’s answers are somewhat surprising. He also shares some stories from his own life, including what happened when he went from working as a carpenter to telling people he was a coach... before he really felt like one.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
Why imposter syndrome often shows up when you set a much bigger goal or decide to charge more for what you do…
What a former Disney CEO admitted about waking up in the middle of the night, wondering if he was good enough for the job…
The one question Dave always asks himself when he has a big decision to make…
What Dave said when he first started telling people he was a coach, and how he enrolled 7 of the first 8 people he spoke to… (this is crazy!)
The important difference between fundamentally changing the way you see yourself and simply pretending to be something you’re not…
Why another certification, degree, or accomplishment may not make that feeling go away…
And much more...
If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re really good enough to do what you want to do, you’re going to get a lot out of this episode.
Go listen to the full episode now!
Key Takeaways
1.) Why That “Fraud Feeling” Shows Up in the First Place (2:07)
Let’s say you set a big 30-Day Year goal.
Maybe you want to earn more money than you’ve ever earned before. Or start a business. Or do something else you’ve never done before.
And almost immediately, that little voice in your head starts up:
“Who do you think you are?”
Dave explains that this happens because your subconscious mind is basically saying, “Wait a minute. This isn’t who we are.”
He calls it an “intruder alert.”
You’re trying to create a new picture of yourself, but your subconscious is still working from the old one.
And that’s why Dave says imposter syndrome isn’t personal.
It’s just programming.
The good news is, you can change the programming.
So how do you do that? Dave explains it throughout the rest of the episode.
Go listen here.
2.) Even the CEO of Disney Thought, “Who Do I Think I Am?” (5:06)
Jacq shares a great story about former Disney CEO Michael Eisner.
He was once asked what it felt like to step into Walt Disney’s shoes.
During the day, he said he was fine. But sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night thinking:
“What am I trying to do here? Who do I think I am?”
Think about that.
He was running Disney, and even he had those thoughts.
So if you’ve ever wondered whether feeling like an imposter means you’re not qualified or you don’t belong there, you’re definitely going to want to hear what Dave says about this.
Listen to the full episode to hear Dave and Jacq talk about it.
3.) How Do You Know if It’s Fear... or Your Intuition Telling You “Don’t Do This”? (7:55)
Jacq asks Dave a really good question in this part of the episode.
What if that uncomfortable feeling isn’t imposter syndrome?
What if it’s your intuition trying to tell you that you’re going after the wrong goal?
Dave’s answer comes down to one simple question:
“Do I want it?”
Because every goal you choose is going to affect the way you live your life.
Dave even talks about George Lucas and why he made Star Wars.
And his reason was incredibly simple.
He liked it. And he hoped other people would like it, too.
Listen to the episode to hear why Dave believes “Do I want it?” is such an important question to ask yourself.
4.) How Dave Went From Carpenter to Coach... Before Anyone Knew Him as a Coach (16:25)
When Dave decided he wanted to become a coach, there was one little problem.
Everybody knew him as a carpenter.
So how do you suddenly start telling people, “Hey, I’m a mindset coach now,” when that’s not how they know you?
Dave admits that part really scared him.
So he came up with a simple way to talk about what he was doing without pretending he was already something he wasn’t.
Then he invited eight people out for coffee.
Seven of the eight enrolled.
And in the episode, Dave shares the exact script of what he actually said to them.
If you’re starting something new or making a big change in what you do, you may want to steal this.
Listen in to hear exactly what Dave said.
5.) There’s a Difference Between Changing Your Self-Image and “Pretending” (20:33)
This led Dave and Jacq into a really interesting conversation.
If you’re working on seeing yourself differently, does that mean you should start telling everybody you’re already something you’re not?
No.
Dave calls that posturing.
He tells a story about a woman who stood up at an event and introduced herself as a world-class actress.
Except… She had never acted. She hadn’t trained as an actress. She had never actually done any of it! Delusional!
Dave explains that you can start building that new picture of yourself without lying to everybody around you about where you are right now.
So where’s the line between the two?
Dave and Jacq get into that in the episode.
6.) “I’ll Be Ready After One More Course...” (26:26)
Have you ever told yourself something like this?
“I just need one more certification.”
“I need to take one more course.”
“I need to learn a little more, and then I’ll be ready.”
Dave talks about people who spend years doing this. They keep learning, preparing, and getting more credentials.
But they never actually start.
And sometimes, all that extra preparation is just an excuse to avoid doing the thing that scares you. So what do you do instead?
Dave talks about how confidence actually gets built in the full episode.
What to Do Next…
So what are you supposed to do when that fraud feeling comes back? Dave says:
Let it go. Relax. And go back to the picture you’re building of yourself and keep going.
And if and when the feeling comes back?
Just do it again.
Dave says this is not easy, and you may have to do it 10,000 times.
But it will be worth it.
Remember…
What other people think of you is none of your business.
You can’t control the picture other people have of you.
But you can work on the picture you have of yourself.
And that’s really what this whole episode comes back to.
If you’ve ever thought, “Who am I to do this?” when you started going after something bigger, go listen to Dave and Jacq’s full conversation.
You may realize that feeling doesn’t mean nearly as much as you thought it did.
Want some help working on your own self-image? Be sure to check out the free resources Dave and Jacq mention in this episode!
Free Resources Mentioned In This Episode
🎯 FREE 30-Day Year Goal-Setting Guide
Have you ever set a really big goal and almost immediately started wondering, “Who am I to think I can actually do this?”
That "imposter syndrome" is exactly what Dave and Jacq Conway are talking about in this episode. And if you have a big goal like that right now, our free 30-Day Year Goal-Setting Guide can help you get really clear about what you want and start putting a plan around it.
Download the FREE 30-Day Year Goal-Setting Guide now!
🚀 FREE 21-Day Money Momentum Challenge
There’s a great part in this episode where Dave coaches a business owner who wants to raise his price from $2,500 to $5,000.
The business owner knows he can deliver the value. He’s just having a hard time seeing himself charging $5,000 for it. If you’ve ever had that same feeling around money, our free 21-Day Money Momentum Challenge is a great next step.
For 21 days, we’ll give you something simple to work on each day to help you think differently about money and what you believe is possible for you.
Begin the FREE 21-Day Money Momentum Challenge now!
🧠 FREE Visualization Checklist
Dave talks a lot in this episode about self-image and the picture you hold of yourself in your mind. So here’s something you can actually try now.
Use our free Visualization Checklist. It will help you create a crystal-clear picture of the person you want to become and what you want your life to look like.
It’s simple, it doesn’t take long, and you can start using it today.
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In Episode 79 of The 30-Day Year Podcast, Dave and Jacq Conway unpack imposter syndrome as your subconscious rejecting a new self-image, not a sign you're a fraud. You'll learn the difference between posturing and real reprogramming, how to tell fear from intuition, and how to keep going when the old picture of yourself fights the new one.